August 22, 2005
August 22, 2005 | Updates
Today, Teresa had a chance to take the boys school shopping while I watched Samuel. While sitting with him alone all day I thought about how his state is and how he may never be the same again. It brought me to missing him, I sang to him, I talked to him, and I just plain stared @ him for a wile. During this time I thought about what had happened to him and how blessed we are to still have him here with us. I thought again about how the doctors are pleased & surprised with his recovery, and how for some reason the good Lord has decided to leave him here on earth with us. I thought about all the good people of this valley, from north to south we have been blessed with the kindness of pure charity, of the pure love of Christ. It brings me to wonder why us? Why so much kindness when there are soo many other people needing help. The sadness I felt all day was not depressing, it was not upsetting or empty, it was a peaceful sadness, a feeling of love and gratefulness of having Samuel still with us. A feeling of apprecation for everybody. Its obvious now that he will not be the same when we get him home, he may have problems all his life, including mentally and physically. If that is what the Lord wants, then we are grateful and excited to get started raising the special spirit we have been given. Looking back, thinking of little Sameul before all this happened, he was kind of a different boy. Just wanting to be happy, not very often in a bad mood. He was a daddies boy, and spent all after noon of everyday following me around everywhere I went. It was not bothersome. He was not a problem maker and didn’t much like to fight. When another young child took a toy from him rather than freaking out like other boys would do, he just excerised patience and waited his turn.The other day in the morning they came in, took him down to get a spinal tap of fluid out of his back for tests. It was very difficult for him. Here is this little helpless boy laying face first on a hard table with nothing for pain or discomfort, but just his patience to get him through. His posturing has shaped his little body into a crooked backward U shape, so his feet stretched in the air and his head clear up off the table with me whispering into his ears with teary eyes trying to calm him down by saying “be soft” “its ok” I must have looked like a baby, but to see his patient eyes, and him not crying much but instead he must have just wondered why this was happening. But he didn’t complain more than a little cry, his eyes were open looking down @ the table with drool coming out his mouth and a tight body wanting it to stop. It wasn’t a big deal, but for some reason I can’t stop thinking about that morning and what he must think is going on. It brings me to wonder if he thinks or wonders if we can stop it, and why we don’t. I pray that the Lord will erase some of his memory, and take some of these experiences away. When I do it is usually a peacfull prayer, as most are. It is that peace that is priceless to us. No amount of money can give that to us. I am so glad we have that peace, I am so glad we have prayer as a direct communication to God and his direction. I count on it daily, and expect it. Sameul is an inspiration to us all.
I pray that I can live worthy to continue raising him in what ever way the Lord wants. I pray that blessings will flow to all of you who have supported us through prayer, and love. It is overwhelming to see the love from everybody. While driving home from SLC today coming up the road towards the little country town of Paradise, I realoized that we have only lived here for a few short months, it seems like so much longer, but I realized we were coming home and it actually felt like it. It felt like we were traveling into the arms of Paradise, and we did. This whole valley has been so kind, so much we can’t thank enough. Sorry this is so long and I am so long winded. (smile) Love Tom
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