Not just another day…
July 19, 2010 | Blogroll
I haven’t thought about the anniversary date of Samuel’s accident much this year. We’ve been getting ready and excited for his birthday for weeks, but the thought of the accident anniversary didn’t even cross my mind until a few days ago. I guess that’s a good sign :). I have a deep appreciation for the healing that time brings. Although I have always wanted to hold tight to how Samuel “used to be,” time has made that impossible. And I must say that is a blessing in disguise for as my memories of “that Samuel” fade, my mind is filled with memories of the “new Samuel” who I love just as much. And I am grateful (although resistant) for that inevitable change.
So this morning, I didn’t even realize that the date was July 19th until about noon. And then a few seconds later, I read an email from my mom that will follow at the end this post because it summarizes so well how I feel.
But first, I wanted to say that Samuel had a fun birthday and I’ll post pictures and videos of it soon. And as I tucked him into bed that night, I was suddenly overwhelmed by how much he is loved. Myself, his dad, four brothers, grandparents galore, aunts, uncles, cousins, friends, teachers, acquaintances, strangers…there are so very many people who truly love this little boy of mine. And in my mind, I suddenly knew that being loved was more important than anything else in this world and that as long as Samuel is loved, he will be happy and he will be ok…despite all the limitations of his earthly body. And I felt peaceful, knowing that he is truly a happy little boy. A little boy who was so proud on his birthday that he was 7. I could see it in his eyes and read it in his smile. What a cutie!
And so I’ll leave you with my mother’s email because she hit the nail right on the head (and gave me the title for this post)…
“It’s amazing what an accident such as Samuel’s does to people. For me, after the initial shock and a few years later, I realized that it has been the most character defining event of my life. It has made me look at others with disabilities so differently. Care more about them. Actually look at them differently, with a smile, a helping hand. Not that I would have ignored or not helped before, but I want to be of help now. It’s made me realize just how precious life is. How it can be gone in a moment. And we aren’t the ones to decide if life comes or goes. And that makes me wonder why Samuel was left on earth. Was it for all of us to learn from his example. For the children at school to learn from him, to realize he is a real person who has real feelings too. For them to learn compassion and service? For all of us to learn that too? He has made me more grateful. When I don’t feel good, I think of him. When my feet hurt, I’m grateful I can walk. When I’m hungry, I eat tasty food! Of course, so many other things. He has been the most prominent person in our family prayers the past five years. He’s made us better people.
So if he’s made me a better person, that also means that he’s helped me get closer to eternal life? So in the pre-existence, he knew this was his mission in life. He would sacrifice life as we all know it, to be different, so in the end he could help me become closer to eternal life… He’s so much more than me… Yeah, I already knew he’s more than I’ll ever be. Sometimes I just need to remember. I guess today’s a good day to do that.”
Thanks, mom. I can’t read your words without tears coming to my eyes and warmth swimming through my heart because I know you are entirely and exactly correct.
So today on this anniversary date, for the first time in 5 years, I won’t mourn the things that we lost in 2005, but I will celebrate the things that we have gained since then and the little boy who gives so much to help us see the things that are truly important in this life.
Thank you, Samuel. You are truly, truly loved. And I am so grateful to know that you know that!
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July 19th, 2010 at 3:58 pm, Gramma Jewkes Says:
Wow. This is a wonderful post. It ought to be published. Teresa, you and your Mom are beautiful writers. You’ve both generated “tears coming to my eyes and warmth swimming through my heart,” because I, too, know you are both “entireley and exactly correct.” I can’t even think of anything to add to it.
Lots of love, Mom Jewkes
July 19th, 2010 at 5:37 pm, Cathy Says:
I’ve been following your story since the accident. I am a special education teacher in Alabama. Your posts have given me a renewed sense of appreciation for my students. Thank you so much for sharing your story. May God continue to bless you.
July 19th, 2010 at 5:43 pm, Tiffanie Says:
It’s so heart-warming to me how much my kids love Samuel because we are so far away and don’t get to see him very often or spend much time with him. Yet they still pray for him all the time and ask about him and really love him when we do get to see him. He’s definitely a special kid and you’re lucky to have him.
July 19th, 2010 at 9:45 pm, Sylvia Says:
awesome…..just awesome
July 20th, 2010 at 2:03 am, Sue Searles Says:
I’m so glad to hear that your heart is healing, you are truly a blessed Mama! You are to be commended for all the time and hard work you’ve put forth into helping Samuel be the “new” person he is today, you’ve sacrificed and put forth more than anyone in this world can even begin to imagine. May God richly bless you as you continue to pour out your life sacrificially for Samuel and the rest of your family.
I’m not sure if you’ve heard yet but I’m working to put together a Mom’s of ND retreat sometime at the end of Oct. or the beginning of Nov. here in WA state. It would be wonderful if you were able to come. I will definitely let you know all the details as soon as I bring them all together.
Sue
July 25th, 2010 at 4:44 pm, Sharon Jewkes Says:
Happy belated birthday, Samuel. Though we have only met once, you have won my heart. Thanks to your wonderful mother’s post I have been privileged to watch you grow and develop. It has been a very special experience for me. Like your grandmother’s letter says, life has been different for me because of you. Please know that I send you much love. You are a very blessed boy to have so many people that love you. Keep those smiles coming. Your photo is adorable. Love, Sharon
July 31st, 2010 at 12:10 pm, Erin Says:
Wow time goes so fast! Samuel looks so happy. I lost all my bookmarks so I haven’t been by for awhile. Today I decided I needed to visit. I’m so glad that this years anniversary was a better one for you. I can’t believe Colby’s 3 year mark is the 7th of August. I’m not sure where the years have gone but I’m grateful for the healing they have brought. WE are going to do Deep Brain Stimulation on August 25th. Its been a long time since I’ve seen Samuel so I don’t know if it’s something you have considered. I’ll let you know how it goes. I’m terrified but at peace with the decision. It’s just the actually going through it portion that scares me. Sorry rambling about us now so I’ll just end by saying “Happy Birthday Samuel!”